Big Mike teaches Yoga to his friends and plans to take on Karate for himself
“Hi Mike! Why are all these kids standing on their heads? Are you teaching them Yoga?”
“Hi Unc! Whatever Yoga is I am not teaching them Yoga. I am giving them punishment. Just ignore them for ten more minutes.”
“Why are you giving them punishment?”
“Because they couldn’t pay me for today’s sermons.”
“You charge them for being friends with them?”
“No, not for being friends with them. I give them sermons every afternoon, followed by a quiz. If they fail the quiz I repeat the sermon. If they fail the quiz again, I charge them a quarter each.”
“What happens if they don’t have the money?”
“I punish them. I make them stand on their heads for fifteen minutes. They have five minutes remaining.”
“What kind of sermon do you give them?”
“Mostly what I hear from Gauti, nicely repackaged with Mr. Brilliant Mike’s interpretations.”
“Do you tell them you are basically repeating after Gauti?”
“Oh, no. Don’t say that aloud. If they find that out, they might ask me to share the money with Gauti. I know Gauti would hate to take money from anyone like that.”
“Mike, you shouldn’t charge them money for some silly conversation. If their parents find out they would complain to your parents. They would be ashamed.”
“You are calling my sermons silly?”
“Mike, you are their friend, not merchant. Soon, you won’t have any friends. They will all run away. Is that what you want?”
“Okay, I won’t charge them money anymore, but I will continue to give them some punishment if they perform poorly on the quiz.”
“Mike, you will be glad to know that standing on the head is a good Yoga exercise, if I am not totally wrong. You should join them too. It’s good for you.”
“Okay, I will let them know that the Yoga exercise I am giving them in the form of punishment is only good for them. I have only good intentions for them. Going forward I will join them too. You are right – they should know what a great human being and a wonderful Yoga instructor I am. Since I am going to practice Yoga with them I will reduce this exercise to ten minutes. I have other important things to teach them too.”
“Mike, you just told me you didn’t know what Yoga was. Now you are going to brag to them that all this time you have been secretly teaching them Yoga exercises?”
“Well, I am a leader and a good leader learns and implements good ideas fast. I can Wiki the other Yoga exercises and implement some new ones. I cannot wait to share some Yoga exercises with Gauti too. He will be so happy. Let me talk to the boys now. ”
“Boys, the time is over. Since my uncle is here let me share one truth with you all. All this time, in the name of punishment I have been teaching you all one great Yoga exercise to keep you healthy and head-strong. In soccer you have to head the ball often and this exercise helps you to get out of the fear of heading the ball hard. Also, now that you have learned this Yoga exercise I will teach you one new Yoga exercise the next time. I realize I have to stay healthy and strong to continue to be your greatest soccer captain, going forward I will join you too. The money I have charged you all so far is safe in my piggy bank and someday I will donate the entire money to my favorite charity. Now, you go home and tell you parents how I have been helping you all to stay healthy with Yoga lessons.”
“Wow! It’s amazing how you pulled a fast one on them.”
“Unc, next time please bring seven dollars in quarters.”
“Why?”
“If they suddenly find out my piggy bank is completely empty I will look like a con artist. Do you want your favorite nephew to go down in history as the greatest con artist rather than as the greatest banker? I am sure you don’t. So I need seven dollars in quarters quickly. I collected about five dollars from them so far. I should add two more dollars on my own to look good. They will therefore know what an honest leader I am. Please get me the quarters tomorrow. Dollar bills will be fine for today’s lessons.”
“So, what did you do with the money you received from them?”
“I bought candy bars. Previously I used to get three bars for a dollar. Now I get only two. I eat one and I cut the other one into eight pieces and sell them to my group for ten cents a piece. I educated them how a small piece of candy gives us so much of good energy throughout the soccer matches. So how can they walk away from such a great deal I have been giving them?”
“What kind of candy bars do you buy?”
“For myself, I buy the Cowboy bar. For them, I buy the Brave Musketeers.”
“Why not the same bar for them?”
“How could I? The Cowboy bar is great but is not big enough to make into eight pieces. The Brave Musketeers is the biggest bar for the money so getting eight pieces out of it is not hard at all. Moreover, I told them the Brave Musketeers is the best energy bar for the soccer players so they are generally happy. Pe often complains about the size of each piece so I save a small piece from my bar to keep him quiet. He also knows he is getting the best deal.”
“So, finally one kid is figuring out how you are conning them? I have a feeling he will be after your soccer captaincy soon.”
“Unc, you are totally wrong. He is not smart enough to be a captain. If the soccer captaincy is turned over to him no one will show up to play under him. In fact, the coach knows that and he will never make that mistake. If the coach makes that mistake, there would be uproar and the neighborhood soccer committee might bring you back to replace the current coach. If you are back, I am back too. You wouldn’t dare do bad things to your favorite nephew, would you?”
“Mike, now I know why you are getting D’s in your history class. You are totally possessed with all this silly thoughts all day long. You have a bright mind. Instead of wasting it on all this silly thoughts and activities, you should concentrate on doing well in all subjects in school. See, both your father and I couldn’t make it to Harvard University. You should prepare yourself from now. The early you start, the better your chances get.”
“I remember my Magnet teacher was talking about Harvard one day. He was so proud to say that one of his relatives had recently graduated from Harvard. How good is this Harvard University?”
“This is the way I look at it: There is God; there is Harvard University; and there is the rest.”
“But I want to go to law school before I venture out in banking. Do they have a good law school?”
“They have one of the best law schools in the world too.”
“In that case, after finishing college I will get a law degree from their law school.”
“Mike, that finally sounds like a real plan to be successful in life.”
“Unc, can you tell mom to put me in a Karate class? Mom thinks Karate is violent.”
“Why do you want to learn Karate?”
“Gauti tells me Karate is an excellent self-defense art. His temple is offering a Karate course to its active members so he plans on taking it. He thinks Karate might help him defend himself from those bullying him all the time. He is also trying to get me into his class for free. If that does not work, could you convince mom to send me to a private Karate school?”
“Don’t worry. If it comes down to that, I will talk to her. Instead of hanging off a branch of the guava tree you are better off learning Karate. It’s really a great self-defense art. Actually, when I was in high school I spent a couple of years under a great Karate master. But I didn’t keep it up in college.”
“Is Yoga similar to Karate?”
“No, they are very different. Since Yoga is connected to meditation and spirituality, it is practiced on a slower body movement, while Karate involves dynamic body movement, although is meant for defensive purposes only. Some people practice both.”
“Unc, there goes your alarm. It’s time for you to go to work. Today, I gave you five full lessons so I wouldn’t settle for anything less than ten. I told you I am now at peace with the face on ten. And, don’t forget the seven dollars in quarters.”
“Mike, you gave me five full lessons? Didn’t I just bail you out from becoming a con artist? I tell you what – I will bring your seven dollars in quarters the next time, but no money today.”
“Unc, didn’t you just convince me to give up my income that was paying for my daily candy bars? Now, I don’t see you have any other choice but to regularly pay for my candy bars. I tell you what – I will not sell the second bar to them anymore; I will enjoy it myself. See, what happens when you suggest something without clearly thinking through? My magnet teacher says some such actions have perverse unintended consequences. Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
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