Big Mike finds the perfect girlfriend for his uncle
“Congratulations, Uncle! Granny told me you got a big promotion at work. I am so happy for you. I can now comfortably increase my lesson fees.”
“Thanks Mike. Yes, I got a nice promotion. I am now a Production Manager.”
“So, you will be managing many people? Are you going to get a fancy private office or will you still sit in that cage-like thing?”
“I am one of the three Production Managers. In my production vertical, I have close to three hundred employees now so I will be responsible for them. No, I am not going to sit in the cage-like thing anymore; I am getting a fancy private office. By the way, that cage-like thing you are referring to is called a cubicle.”
“Wow! Now you have to remember all three hundred employee names?”
“Initially I have to remember the names of my fifteen team leaders. Over a period of time I have to try to know them all.”
“Let me guess how it will work. In the morning, in order to get their work instructions the fifteen team leaders will line up outside your office until you arrive. Once you get in, you will call them one at a time and distribute their work for the day. They are not supposed to misbehave while standing in the line. If they fight or try to push or shove each other, you will ground them by forcing them to spend the day in dark detention, right? Do you have separate detention officers watching over them? If not, I can help you during my summer vacation. Actually, that could be a nice summer job for me.”
“No, the team leaders are all qualified engineers. They don’t need to stand in lines outside of my office every day, pushing and shoving each other. They all have long-term projects and assignments. We have weekly meetings where we discuss projects’ status and any issues.”
“Unc, give me an example of something you are making in your factory now. I do not understand what could be long-term.”
“Why are you so curious about my work all of a sudden? You rarely ask me what I do or about my office. I am sure something else is cooking in your head. Anyway, let me give you a few examples of things we are manufacturing – might help you out in your Magnet class. Here is example one: Five of my teams are now working together to build the next generation biometric ATM machines for one of the largest banks in the US. These ATM machines will transact only with people by recognizing their faces instead of signatures. Thus, the stolen cards could be easily rejected. Secondly, five other teams are working on creating a new hydro-fuel system for our Metro Buses so all local buses can soon run on water instead of the expensive and polluting gasoline or diesel fuel. Once those new fuel systems are installed, people will breathe cleaner air. Also, the bus fares could go down. Thirdly, two teams are building the futuristic 4-in-1 coffee-snack-soups-sandwich dispensing machines for a national vending company that will be installed in offices, malls and entertainment centers around the country, replacing the old and antiquated four separate vending machines that generally exist now. Since the same company will sell all four lines of items, people will get better choices and values. Finally, three other teams are working on solar-powered fireplaces for one of the upscale hotel chains. Your friends who suffer from juvenile asthma and other bronchial ailments will probably choose this hotel chain if they want to enjoy fireplaces while vacationing away. These are some of our long-term projects, often taking up to two years to complete.”
“Wow! You’ve got to be very smart to lead all these smart people building these wonderful things. No wonder my parents often say very good things about you, primarily how smart and creative you are. Are you going to supervise older folks too, or are they all young folks like you?”
“Mike, something tells me this chit-chat is all fake, but something is holding you back from breaking the news. Did you get a failing grade in history? Did you say something unpleasant to Gauti that you now regret? Or, the next-door neighbor is putting pressure on you again? Talk to me; remember the pact we have? You got to be always honest and truthful to me.”
“Unc, I like the idea that our local buses won’t create more pollution in the air. So many kids in my school suffer from asthma. It’s going to be great for them. But one thing that bothers me about running the buses off water. Our Social teacher keeps saying we have serious shortage of water in our state, particularly in our city. If that is true, don’t you think the excess water needed to run these buses will create more serious shortage of drinking water here?”
“I don’t think you are serious about any of this. You would be serious only if you could create and sell some tips to your friends and foes. I don’t see you are exploring that angle at all. What’s really on your mind, Mike? Come clean. I have to leave soon. Moreover, I will be out of town for the next five days so I won’t see you for at least a week after today. It’s your last chance to cough it out whatever is stuck in your chest.”
“Where are you going?”
“I am going to attend a conference in New York City. It’s all work-related. I am attending it on behalf of my company.”
“Do you get to stay in a fancy hotel?”
“Yes, I do.”
“I noticed hotel rooms generally come with two big beds. Can I come with you? The second bed is going to be lonely anyway?”
“Not now. You are in the middle of the semester. I don’t want you to cut school now. In fact, I will be attending another one in Orlando during your next Spring Break. I will take you if you can convince Granny to come along to give you company. I will be at the conference all day long so Granny and you could hit all the theme parks including the Disney World.”
“Wow! That sounds like a real plan. I haven’t been to Disney World in ages. Don’t worry about Granny. I can convince her just like that. If she fuses I have to produce a short fake cry and she will melt.”
“Alright Mike, now get the top secret out of your chest.”
“See, last night Granny was asking Mom to put pressure on you get married. And Mom agreed. Do you have anybody you would like to marry?”
“I have a girlfriend, but we are not steady enough to even consider getting married. I am not in a rush to get married. I enjoy being single and plan to stay that way for several more years. Mike, I can see on your face there is something more to it. What is it that’s still stuck in your chest?”
“Unc, I want you to marry my Math teacher. She is as lovely as Mom and Granny so she would be perfect for you and our family. I really like her. She is such a soft-hearted and caring person in addition to being an excellent teacher. She also teaches Science to the big kids. As an engineer I am sure you love math and science, so you will get along very well with her. Can I talk to Granny to see if she agrees to move this arrangement forward?”
“Mike, I cannot just marry someone I do not know. We don’t know each other, other than the fact that you really admire her.”
“Why not? Gauti says his parents got married without knowing each other. I doubt even my parents knew each other before getting married.”
“Your parents knew each other for a number of years before they got married. Of course, there are certain cultures where they still have arranged marriages. I am sure Gauti’s parents grew up in one such culture. We do not have arranged marriage in our culture. Now that I know why you were so hesitant to bring it up all this time and I managed to nip the idea in the bud I will get going.”
“Unc, listen. Nothing should be written in stone. We can introduce arranged marriage in our culture. Gauti’s parents are happy. You will be happy too. You cannot go wrong with my Math teacher. She is like an angel. How can you go wrong by marrying an angel? I will get the ball rolling while you are away. I will have Granny talk to my Math teacher. Meanwhile, just do me a favor. Fire you girlfriend. Following in the footsteps of Donald Trump tell her ‘You are fired.’”
“Mike, just get rid of those useless thoughts from you mind. See you in a week. Bye.”
“Wait. You cannot just run like that. What about my lesson fee? Today, you have to be extremely generous with me. Here is a tip: The least generous gesture would be to show me the face on fifty I have grown to love.”
“Generous? For what?”
“For trying to change your life. You won’t be happy if you try to make me unhappy. The faster you fire your current girlfriend the happier I will be. You will thus enjoy my total blessing. Now, go on and act as directed, my dear student. One last piece of advice – there is no free lunch here. While I close my eyes to go deep into a Yoga exercise, please quietly surrender a fifty under my feet. Don’t let an inaccurate bill wake up this vigilant Guru.”
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