Big Mike prepares his Christmas Wish List
“Hi my dearest nephew Mike! What are you up to now?”
“Hi Unc! You showed up at the perfect time. I just finished preparing the list for you.”
“What is this list about?”
“My Christmas list. Originally I had twenty items on the list, but considering your new management responsibility at work I managed to cut it down to ten. Isn’t that really nice of me?”
“I hope it’s not one of those delusional lists?”
“No, no, it’s a very practical list of items I have to have to grow up right and maintain my leadership position within my circle of friends. Everyone in the neighborhood knows we are related. You don’t want to be embarrassed by our relationship, do you?”
“Okay, let me look at the list.”
“Let me read it out for you. I have arranged them by urgency and significance. The item one is a peacock.”
“Is this a video game?”
“No, I want a real peacock. A big one, perhaps the biggest one you could find.”
“Mike, you already have so many pets. Why do you want another? Moreover, a peacock is a high maintenance bird, generally requiring professional maintenance.”
“Unc, you don’t understand. Here is why. See, I am tired of walking to the school. So, if I have a big peacock, I could fly to school back and forth, freeing up significant amount of time for me to do more homework. You know very well I need more time for history and social.”
“Mike, you beat me every time. I was expecting another delusional list. This is more than delusional – it’s simply crazy. If you are tired of walking to the school, I will have Granny arrange the private school bus for you. You didn’t want that school bus – you wanted to walk with your friends?”
“I don’t want the private bus. I am trying to avoid all the surface pollution. They give me breathing trouble. See, after evaluating other modes of transportation, I have come to the conclusion that a peacock would be ideal for me.”
“What other modes of transportation did you evaluate?”
“A small private plane would have been great, but it is too expensive. Plus, I wouldn’t get a flying license.”
“What about hawks and eagles?”
“Yes, I did consider them too. They don’t work for me.”
“Why not?”
“They are kind of stupid. Suddenly, for no good reason, they will shoot so high up and stay there for hours. Who wants to be tossed from 30,000 feet above because this stupid eagle spotted a tiny fish in a lake from up there? They would be hard to manage. On the other hand, peacocks fly low and slow. They are stunningly beautiful too. Everyone at school will appreciate my taste. I can already see how Ricky and his gang would be jealous of my new discovery. I will fly in and out of the school courtyard so everyone gets to clap and whistle as we land in the morning and take off in the afternoon. The peacock will roam around in the woods next to our soccer field during the day and will pick me up after school. Since Pe lives three houses down the street from us he has been asking to come along for the ride. I don’t think I should overload the bird.”
“How did you get the idea of the peacock to be your vehicle?”
“Last week the Magnet teacher was talking about some ancient religions and was showing us some related pictures from a book. In one of those pictures I saw an ancient god was seated on a large peacock. I asked the teacher about the peacock and the teacher explained that particular god always used a peacock as his vehicle to move around. I thought that not only made perfect sense but going forward could work for me as well. I didn’t tell Gauti though; I want to surprise him.”
“Mike, what is the delusion number two on your list?”
“The number two item on my list is an alarm system. It has to be custom made in your factory.”
“An alarm system for your bike? Did you lose the chain for your bike?”
“Not for my bike. I need an alarm system to protect the peacock. See, some adventure-crazy kids, particularly Ricky and his gang, will try to ride the peacock when I am in class. I need you to build me an alarm system that would frighten people off by unleashing a cobra and by making uninterrupted angry hissing sounds. It must be a fake cobra but capable of spraying stinky yellow water when terribly annoyed. Christmas is less than a month away so please make it a rush project by putting at least half of your production people on it, as well as allowing as much overtime as they might require.”
“Mike, what is the delusion number three on your list? While I am intrigued to know, I have to take off in fifteen minutes so try to run through the list fast.”
“Okay, the number three item on my list is a tree house.”
“I thought I bought you a tree house couple of years ago?”
“That plastic tree house won’t work for my peacock. I need a much larger and sturdier tree house made of real logs. This one has to be mounted on our big mango tree by the south wall. I don’t want the house to be mounted on this guava tree because my friends enjoy its sweet and sour guava fruits. No one likes the sour mangoes from that mango tree. Let my peacock enjoy them. Pe tells me peacocks have a special liking for sour and bitter fruits and vegetables. The bitter melon bush is next to the sour mango tree so it should work out well for my peacock. In any case, my friends will have access to the sweet mangoes from the other tree by the north wall. By the way, you have to order the tree house from your friend’s custom carpentry company. Tell him to make it a real large one so my peacock is comfortable, otherwise it might come and knock on my window at night to get into my bedroom.”
“So, what is the delusion number four on your list?”
“The number four item on my list is a big screen flat panel TV. This is also for my peacock. You have to tell the carpentry company to allow enough space in one corner of the tree house to fit in a sixty-six inch TV. See, peacocks love to dance. I would like my peacock to dance along with Big Bird who is an excellent dancer. We have to restrict my peacock’s TV to Big Bird’s channel only. I don’t want the wild animals from other animal channels to scare my peacock away.”
“Mike, move on to number five on your list.”
“The number five on my list comprises of all flying accessories - a custom seat with belts, a helmet, a leather jacket, a portable oxygen tank, and an advanced big screen GPS. See, I will need a really well-made leather seat fastened with straps and belts so I do not fall off the sky. Pe thinks I should also carry a portable oxygen tank just in case if we ever get rerouted by the Air Traffic Controller and are forced to fly over those high-rise buildings in downtown. It should be a high quality camel leather jacket imported from Morocco. You have to use your engineering skills to design the GPS for me; the run-of-the-mill stuff won’t work. All accessories – from seat to jacket to tank to GPS – must be painted in peacock colors so my admirers always know the peacock belong to me.”
Mike, I got to run. I will check out the remaining items the next time. Meanwhile, try to post your delusional list on the net. You will easily get one million hits overnight. Bye Mike.”
“Not so fast, Unc. Give me two hundred dollars so I can open a layaway account for the peacock at Birds World. They have the perfect peacock for me.”
“I will give you the two hundred dollars if you can get your plan approved by your favorite Math teacher.”
“Oh, I get it. You finally found a way to get close to her? I am happy you like her. I told you she would be perfect for you. Let me announce the grand plan to Granny. That should make her very happy!”
“Mike, I totally misspoke. I wanted you to get it approved by your Magnet teacher, not the Math teacher.”
“Don’t worry. The damage is done. It is going straight to the Math teacher. She likes Italian food. If you are picking the restaurant, pick a fancy one. Please don’t be cheap. Remember, when I dress up, I don’t go to a restaurant whose name starts with the word ‘Mama.’ I like my food prepared by a well-known chef like Emeril Lagasse or Bobby Flay. Or, you don’t want me there at all? Just the two of you in peace and quiet?”
“Mike, drop all that nonsense. Here is a five.”
“Five brings me no happiness today.”
“Okay, here is your favorite ten.”
“I never said ten is my favorite. The face on the fifty is my favorite.”
“Here is the ten – take it or leave it.”
“I will take it. I will also have the plan thoroughly approved by my favorite Math teacher. Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
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