Through the Eyes of My Nephew - Chapter 4

Big Mike chooses his favorite President

“Wow! Mike, this is the first time I’ve see you reading a real book. I always find you scribbling something on a piece of paper.”

“Hi Unc, how have you been? Perfect timing. You are the person I was actually looking for to ask a few questions on my school project.”

“You are planning to learn from me? That is surprising.”

“I didn’t say I would learn from you. I said I have to ask you a few questions. Don’t worry. I will not charge you my normal fees today. I am slowly becoming comfortable with the face on ten. I will try that one out today. Consider yourself very lucky. You are getting away real cheap.”

“Well, we will later see what we finally settle for. Go ahead, ask me the questions.”

“Unc, I have to write a three page paper on my favorite US President. I don’t know much about them so I don’t consider any one of them my true favorite. But I like the guy with the Houdini hat. I am planning to write the first page about his hat and what he used to pull out of it – pigeon, rabbit or a raccoon?”

“Mike, I have no clue who you are referring to as the guy with the Houdini hat.”

“He was tall, but had a starving look. I think his wife was not a good cook and he was too busy writing and perfecting new tricks. As I understand from Na, he didn’t have a secretary so he had to write everything on his own. He also didn’t have a press secretary so he used to conduct a daily magic show to entertain the Whitehouse visitors. But I never found out what he used to pull out of his hat. Was it a pigeon, a rabbit or a raccoon? Every time I asked my history teacher that question he broke the pointing stick on my back. I stopped asking. Dumb history! Dumber history teacher!”

“First off, the President is not a guy – he is the President. I do not know of a magician who went on to become a US President. Give me a few more clues.”

“Actually, he was a good guy. He abolished slavery.” 

“Now I know who you are referring to. It was President Abe Lincoln. You are right. He was often seen in pictures wearing tall hats.”

“His first name was Abe? Now I know what he used pull out of his hat. I also get to collect a dollar from each of my friends now.”

“Mike, I don’t get it yet. Tell me what he used to pull out of his?”

“An ape! Don’t you see, that would also give him enough time to juggle between the words ape and Abe, helping him explain how Abe came from ape? Now I also know why history records him as one of the greatest US Presidents. Because he was able to explain the origin of mankind and could also identify and showcase his particular ancestor. I hope it was a big fat well-fed striped monkey, not a tiny ugly chimpanzee.”

“Mike, do you really believe that President Lincoln used to spend time juggling in front of the Whitehouse crowd? He didn’t have anything better to do?”

“Why do you think he used to wear that Houdini hat? He took pride in entertaining the crowd. When I grow up, I am going to vote for a President who, like President Lincoln, would bring a professional juggling background to the Whitehouse. I don’t want them to be totally self-serving; they have to serve the public too. I believe juggling could be an excellent way for the sitting President to serve the public and thus the Whitehouse becomes one of the world’s best entertainment centers. There should be 24X7 public entertainments on the Whitehouse lawn. There should be at least a world-class circus, mud wrestling, flying Dumbo, miniature golf, auto racing, Mardi Gras parade, and the simulated Mars. Like the President, the Secret Service folks are not very busy either so they should be running the shows. This is how we should pay down the national debt, rather than secretly transferring them on to our generation.” 

“Mike, forget about President Lincoln. What about the other Presidents? Do you believe they do not have enough work to stay busy?”

“Na is our historian and he tells us that modern day Presidents have no time for the Whitehouse visitors as they are busy running their campaigns and writing books about themselves. During the first term, they are busy running their re-election campaigns and, in the second term, they are busy writing their life history – I think the fancy term is autobiography. As soon as they end their presidency, they publish the books to make big money. Na believes they cannot afford to wait too long – people would not remember or reward them. Of course, Na agrees with me that it’s a good idea to have a President who could share some presidential tricks with the Whitehouse visitors to keep them from getting bored and agitated by observing 100’s of vacant rooms there when we have 1000’s homeless people on the street. In fact, the sitting President should let the homeless people occupy those empty rooms in the Whitehouse and use the gesture as a campaign theme for the re-election proclaiming ‘President shares Whitehouse with the Homeless.’ What could be a better re-election slogan than that? At the same time, they do not have to waste so much of time running actual re-election campaigns. But I must say, President Lincoln was a good President as he ended slavery. Nobody needs that kind of inhuman activity.”

“Yes, the whole slavery thing was very disgraceful and created a dark spot in our history. Anyway, we have come a long way since then. Race is now almost insignificant.”

“Unc, I hope my ancestors were not involved in trading slaves. If they were, I would be very ashamed of them. Perhaps I would change my last name to distance myself from them altogether. That way, I like my friends whose families came from other countries. At least, they don’t have to answer for their ancestors’ mischief.”

“Don’t worry, Mike. Our ancestors were not involved in any such slave trading. My grandfather, this is your great grandfather, emigrated from a European country that had nothing to do with any form of slavery so you shouldn’t be ashamed of your ancestors. Do you have enough material now to write up three pages about your favorite President?” 

“Well, I have enough material for the first two pages.”

“Why not all three pages?”

“In the first two pages I will write about President Lincoln, but I have to leave the third page open to write about my favorite President.”

“Mike, I thought you decided Lincoln is your favorite President?”

“Not really. I said he was a good President, but I never said he was my favorite President.”

“Then, who is your favorite President?”

“Me, who else? Once I sell my bank, I will run for the President. I will win the election and go on to become the 50^th President of the United States – my favorite President. Meanwhile, I just have to sharpen my juggling skills. During my presidency, I can assure you, the Whitehouse would be a place of joy and entertainment not seen in our history – the circus alone would field 1000 best clowns from around the world. Lions and tigers would be roaring inside the Whitehouse and monkeys would replace all butlers. Can any other President beat that?”