Big Mike starts researching his ancestry
“Hi Mike, why are you calling me at work? Whose cell phone are you using?”
“Unc, I badly need your help so I borrowed Khe’s cell phone to call you. Do you think you can stop by after work today?”
“Okay, I will do that. I got to go now. They are paging me from the shop floor. See you later, Mike.”
Mike was happy to see his uncle later in the afternoon. Even happier to see his favorite candy bars in his uncle’s hand, “Hi Unc, I am glad you remember my favorite candy bars.”
“What’s up Mike? What kind of big trouble are you in? Over the phone you sounded quite nervous? Is it you history exam or the next door neighbor?”
“Neither. See, I had a big verbal fight with Ricky yesterday. He was yelling at me that my ancestors were chimpanzees. I fired back by saying his ancestors were slave traders. I realize that was very rude and unfair thing to say but I was angry. I know my ancestors couldn’t be the chimpanzees; they had to be the good-looking big monkeys. I am sure Ricky somehow found out that his ancestors were chimpanzees and that was bugging him. He was trying to put the pressure on me to make me agree with him. Though I feel his pain, I will never agree with him.”
“Why don’t you do some research to find out more about your ancestors? There are number of free sites you could go to.”
“Actually, Na told me about this great site called MyRealAncestors.com. We went there but they are just showing us some funny-looking humans as well as some transitional humans, but no real monkeys. Explain to me what is going on with these sites.”
“I think all of these sites have started from the most recent past and are slowly going back so they are still busy inputting humans. Give them a few more months to catch up and you could see some real monkeys. This research could be agonizingly slow so you have to bear with them. But I think they are getting there. I won’t be surprised if pictures of the first group of monkeys pop up even later this month. By the way, who are these transitional humans?”
“Actually, Na and I saw some pictures where the ancestors looked kind of in-between. They have human physique but monkey-like faces with lavish grassy mustache swathing over their lips. Na tells me that was one of the final transitional stages. At that stage, they were more like humans but not entirely so. That is why Na calls them transitional humans. I agree with him. That makes perfect sense. One day my Magnet teacher was also talking about this guy named Charles Darwin who spent his life researching into our origin. I didn’t understand much of what he said, but now that I researching into our own family origin and ancestors I am going to ask the teacher to repeat that lesson. I am going to ask him some sharp questions to get that extra credit.”
“So, what did you find out about our own family ancestry? Anything significant to write home about?”
“I found five good ancestors we all could be really proud of. My number one choice was this guy who was an admirer of President Lincoln and died during the American Civil War fighting against the Confederacy and expansion of slavery. He was dressed like a military general with several stars on his shoulder. I even spoke to dad about this guy and dad promised to buy me his portrait from this site so I could hang it in my bedroom. I am proud to share my ancestry with such a noble man. This man also makes it clear that our family was opposed to slavery. I cannot wait to talk about this great discovery in our next Magnet class.”
“Who is your second favorite ancestor?”
“This ancestor looked as if he was a caveman with gigantic bushy rusty hair and ugly mustache. But he was a smart and educated man. The site says he was a renowned scientist who sued a very rich businessman for stealing his formula and also won in court, although Na thinks the judge was frightened by his looks and therefore sided with him. Na maintains it is almost impossible to beat rich businessmen in court because they can always hire the best lawyers to defend them. Na may have a point there, but I am still proud of this ancestor as he was good in science like me.”
“Who is next on your list?”
“Let me look up my notes. I knew you would ask me about our ancestors so I took lot of notes. Okay, my third favorite ancestor was one of our triple great grandfathers. He was a dentist and his two brothers were plumbers. The last time I was with my Dentist I saw how his assistant was forcing in so much of water inside my mouth. Now I see why the big brother became a dentist while his two younger brothers were plumbers. They wanted to build a perfect family business, without having to hire from outside. I couldn’t believe even during the evolution days humans could think so well. I am really proud of this ancestor.”
“Mike, you have to move a bit faster. I have an office dinner to attend. So, who is the fourth on the list?”
“This ancestor of ours, dressed like an Indian in the middle of a group of other Indians, was a medical doctor who used to spend countless hours in Indian reservations treating patients for free. People loved him there and often lovingly addressed him as ‘Doctor Saint.’ While treating TB patients in reservations he himself contacted the disease and finally died of it. One day you have to explain this TB disease to me, but let me keep going now. The government honored the request from the Sogundia reservation and allowed them to lay his body to rest inside their territory, following their ancient tribal rituals. He was indeed a great man.”
“That’s a remarkable story. That makes me truly proud of my ancestry and heritage. Okay, who is your fifth and final one?”
“He was a very rich man who owned a shipping business in Virginia. In fact, he owned ten ships that he used to rent to other big companies. He was also the mayor of the town. His wife died early and he didn’t have any children. At age 60, he retired from business and politics and gave all his money away. He spent his remaining years as a missionary preaching Christianity around the world. I cannot wait to tell Gauti about this ancestor of ours. I can already see tears in his eyes.”
“Anything else you might have learned from your research? I have to leave in five minutes.”
“Yes, I learned one other thing. I didn’t see pictures of any women which leads me to believe that only men came from the moneys. Women might have been women from the very beginning, seemingly bucking the whole Darwinian evolution. Granny will be very happy to hear that she didn’t come from some stupid and ugly monkeys. I need to cheer her up – she owes me pocket money for two weeks. I still have to somehow prove to Ricky that his ancestry is tied to the chimpanzees while mine is to the big and good-looking monkeys. But how do I make a case that even big monkeys are good-looking? Aren’t their faces burnt? How did that happen? Stupid monkeys! Now I have to defend them!”
“I am really proud of you, Mike. In one day you found out so much about our ancestors that we would have never known. Today, I must admit I was your student. Here is a five for your candy bars and snacks.”
“Unc, you are again disappointing me. I thought you would be a true gentleman today, showing me the face on the fifty I have grown to love and admire so much.”
“Okay, I will tell Granny to deposit fifty in your bank account.”
“Please, don’t deposit in that stupid bank account. I don’t want an unknown bank manager to enjoy my money. I need to get the bill in my hand so I could see and admire the face. I can see the bank manager’s kids having a pool party with my money. What a shame! I came so close!”
No comments:
Post a Comment